So today has been a day full of self discovery and realizations. I faced my new big fear and now I’m preparing for whatever may come next. I had the most intense series of conversations today with a person who was very dear to me and we each faced each other and told each other the truth about how we really felt. The TRUTH will in fact set you free!!!! I never cried more in my life (OK I LOVE TO exaggerate, I cried waaaaay more at my great grand ma's funeral) But any who, I made great discoveries about how to face and conquer my fears and my good friend Peter was there to debrief after.... I love Peter more each day because he is my guide and my teacher but I teach his ass a few lessons too...

He says he learns from my growth but if it wasn’t for him picking my brain I wouldn't think as hard. (I'm actually smart but underestimated and I am a horrible speller.) So I learned that I must value myself and remember to NEVER SETTLE!!!!! (yes even for you Peter)


So today’s moral is that you must face your fears and conquer (for now) because you never know what’s behind the next door waiting for you. So as usual after all was said and done Peter asked his usual series of questions because I'm not allowed to be general or vague around him and he as usual told me a story and then broke it down to me. Here's a piece of the quote (and convo) he used today:

ljupiterstar: I don't want to be in a situation where I am so focused and worried about the other person that I let things slide and don't take care of myself and I have to make sure I'm taken care of as well.... I gave him a lot of my energy and myself but I forgot to take care of me..... I can't forget about me again and if I'm not happy or see something wrong going on I have to say even if I know the other person is going through it.... I didn't say anything back then because of everything else he was stressin over
sochira: :-)
sochira: im proud of you
ljupiterstar: Lol
sochira: humbled
ljupiterstar: :-)
ljupiterstar: You helped me
sochira: nah
ljupiterstar: Thank you
sochira: nono thank u
ljupiterstar: Y
sochira: NEVER settle... you're too precious... you're worth to much to be treated less than the best by YOURSELF...
ljupiterstar: Thanks
sochira: you're a living lesson... that's why i said thank u
ljupiterstar: I had help
ljupiterstar: I didn't do it alone
sochira: don't settle for your own BS...

If you really want to pass this barrier, you should feel as if you had a hot
iron ball embedded in your throat. You can neither swallow it nor spit it out.
Then your previous lesser knowledge disappears. Like a fruit ripening in season,
your subjectivity and objectivity naturally become one. You are like a dumb man
who has had a dream. Your ego shell is crushed and you can shake the heaven and
move the earth. You are like a great warrior holding a sharp sword. If a Buddha
stands in your way, cut him down. If a Patriarch blocks your way, kill him. You
will be free from birth and death. You will be able to enter any world as it
were your own playground. I will tell you how to do this with this koan.