I just finished Memoirs of a Geisha and I can’t help but to feel very deeply touched by this book. It’s not about the vivid details or the way it was so beautifully worded, but towards the end, I found myself feeling somewhat like the geisha, Sayuri.

I could sit here and write quotes from the book until my fingers bleed, but I won’t. This book should be read so that you can find your own significance with in it. This book touched me more so towards the end in a more personal way.

I feel like a geisha, only I do not receive fine gifts or entertain men. I feel like one in a sense that I have put a man’s well-being and comfort before mine. I, technically, am with a married man. He spends his nights with me most of the time, and could have been the mother of his illegitimate child. To make his life easier, I chose another route, similar to Mameha.

It makes me wonder….. about destiny, life, and the choices we make. How I learn to carry myself, how to present myself, and how to hide myself. Putting myself between men, trying to keep out of the way of a friendship, and finding myself in a place that seems so far away from where I would want to be or could have been.

I sit here wondering; is this really what my life has come to be?

I’m lost in my thoughts for the night…

jefferson starship

One of My favorite 80's movies/ songs

When you give a shilling to a beggar - do you realize that you are giving it to yourself? When you help a lame dog over a stile - do you realize that you yourself are being helped? When you kick a man when he is down - do you realize that you are kicking yourself? Give him another kick - if you deserve it! - Why Lazurus Laughed by Wei Wu Wei

Venting...

WARNING: lack of oxygen to the brain can cause major lapses in judgment....

Trust - or lack there of- can cause some serious issues. I’m not even touching that can of worms yet…


I think I have made considerable progress in expressing my emotions in the past few months, and I am at the point where I can say what's on my mind a lot sooner and easier.

(I could easily have been compared to a soda bottle that was rolled down 30 flights of steps... the pressure I had built up in my bottle of a body was seriously fatal to the person who opened it)

I guess I need to figure out how to be more articulate. Being blunt to people who want you to say what you're feeling is not always the smart way to go...

I got dubbed the wife today, but to be called such a thing and not really be that character is unhealthy. If an actor is to play a role, should he not act the part? But in playing such role, the actor must remember that it is just that.... ACTING

As dramatic as I can be, I am not that good of an actress. Do not give me a role and once I am in full character, so to speak, you decide it's not the right part and take it away. You want the perks of the full show but then can't handle the added fees and maintenance that comes with it...

Interesting, I feel like I'm playing a new role in a rerun show. Same episode, same time frame, same issues, new character...

How will the end of this show go??? Will the month of July pass with a positive note... Or will history repeat itself???

Who knows.... Just pass me the script so I know what happens next



..... feels good write again.....

Is repetitive action virtuous action? If behaviour and conduct are merely repetitive processes then all human relationships actually cease. If I behave mechanically every day, - repeating a certain code of conduct which I have learnt, which I find profitable, or which is pleasant, repeating that over and over again, - my relationship with you ceases, completely - I have become a machine. - J. Krishnamurti

Keep it simple; as simple as posible, but no simpler. - Albert Einstein

April showers bring May Flowers......


The past month and a half have been very interesting, taking turns I didn't imagine would happen and of self discovery.

1. I am preparing to become a teacher, going to take the LAST and CST test, planning on passing them and begin a new chapter of my life as a NYC Teacher.

2. My car got stolen but shyt happens and life must go on.

3. Life as I know it has changed in a very short period of time and the once impossible is now possible.

4. Today I am continuing to learn to confront my fears and how to handle them and TALK.

I feel like I was trapped in a whirl wind of confusion and that I lost myself in obsession. I have learned how to breathe and take it 20 minutes at a time (one day is just tooo much).

Those closest to me have been a great support and help through my ups and downs and I am learning to let my EGO go. It hard to say it and realize that most of my problems came from my ego.

I also learned to let go and let God. That is the best thing to do. I was put here to live and learn from life and not let it and the circumstances take me over. I let something take me over for a few months and I have let it go. If it comes back in any way shape or form then I must handle it as best I can with my right mind.

To love some one is to love me and to love them means to love all of them and all of me.

I hold some anger but that is because of left over fear and I am learning not to give it power, because then my fears will become a reality.

I am trying not to look for trouble I don't want.

I have to see that blessings come in many shapes and forms and its all about how you see things.

I learned to look at some one and see something totally new I never saw before and fall in love all over again.

I learned to let things be and everything will be ok

I can't change the past, re-write history, or erase anything that happened before today, but I accept what happened and I learn from my experiences...

I'm not fluffing anything up, I'm being real....

Spring is here and I'm letting me demons go!

If they come back I will fight! Harder then before!

I am God's workmanship, I am his living breathing poem, I can't fall victim to lifes circumstances.