I'm soo deep in thought today that I have nothing to say...


Ok such a lie cuz I always have something brewing.

ROFLMAO!!!!!
(Rolling on the floor laughing my ass off)


You know its officially over between you and someone else when you have been "un-friended" on myspace.com.... I have never laughed so hard in my life.

This is great! I can say that I am so totally over that situation and I'm happy to be done!

Then again before I start countin' my chickens, I have to be aware of the fact that things have a tendency of "rising from the dead"...

At least on my end I'm done!!!!

LMFAO

This is so dumb... I'm canceling my myspace page ... ok maybe not but I just increased my security settings...
Why did I ever subject myself to such stupidity?!?!?!?!!!!

Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.-- Elizabeth Stone

Forgetting:

I was trying to forget things on purpose, but the things I want to forget just seem to stick in my head like old gum on a church pew. The more I tried to forget certain things, the more good things got erased. So after a few years of heavily smoking pot, I decided that its not worth trying to forget something that I wished never happened and to just suck it up and deal with the fact that the event occurred. There goes my habit, time to pick a new addiction (fish & blogging!)

Anger:

It’s a human emotion, but I am learning to control my constant disgruntled demeanor. My friends loved calling me the "disgruntled midget" because I ALWAYS had something negative to say about anything (at least I didn't discriminate). Lately I have noticed that being mad all the time isn't as fun, especially when some new individual(s) in your circle make you see that you look ridiculous (now I need a new nickname).

Jealousy:

I discovered it and boy was it a sucky ass feeling. Squashed that really fast. Nothing else to say except that unchecked, it makes you say or do stupid things and I have been both a victim and a culprit.

Love:

Is an entity that I am growing to understand. It isn't easy and it hurts sometimes but I like knowing I am capable of seeing the emotion. Being that I was always angry, it was really hard to grasp the concept of love. I'm working on showing it....

Just some thoughts...

So the other day I came to realize that my dear younger sister Cat, will never be happy with anyone that I am with. Every time I tell about some one who is slightly interesting to me she automatically asks me "what's he look like??" and I can say he looks like Jesus and she will say "illlll you have horrible taste in men!" I love her but to be honest, I could give a rat’s ass what she thinks about who I date. She dated girls for a while (not like there is anything wrong with that) and the individual she dated last was pretty, but had the ugliest personality. I rather take a good character over looks any day.

But I really feel like she just rather me be single and grumpy like her. Its not that I'm saying she’s a "hater" but she has "hater tendencies" and is very quick to throw something negative at me.

Love her very much but the value of her opinions are decreasing by the day.

Pain nourishes courage. You can't be brave if you've only had wonderful things happen to you.-- Mary Tyler Moore (1937-) American Actress

Came across with this and found it to be almost too on point with me:

The Gemini female is perhaps the most complex of the entire Zodiac when it comes to love and understanding. Her life will be full of contradictions. Not only does this woman say one thing and then do something else (so very me), her interests are so broad and her idealism so great, that she appears change with lightning speed. For example, in religious matters, her nature if often very strong...yet, she frequently does not confine or limit her beliefs to any one religion, sect, doctrine or creed, harboring much respect for all religious teachings and inclined to be very tolerant and liberal. The best ploy for any potential partner is to seduce her by promises of a long-term commitment. If a potential mate cannot do this in good conscience, then it should at least be made plain to the Gemini female that a long-term commitment is not out of the question some time in the future. Aside from this, she will need intellectual stimulation but should be allowed to win arguments. In terms of physical intimacy, the Gemini woman is difficult because she is so unpredictable and changeable...a partner will seldom know how to interpret what she says or what she does (I have had this problem a lot). One moment, she may be a siren and the next, a devout nun. There is a natural tendency for females governed by this Sign to crave things they do not possess only to find them mundane and unimportant once the desires have been granted(I get board easily). This woman often appears to be looking for something...hoping to find total happiness. Unfortunately, due to the inherent dual personality of this female, she may never be truly gratified for any length of time. In everything she does, the Gemini woman goes to extremes, almost as though she fails to understand the meaning of moderation(I'm trying to learn moderation). She is constantly nervous and always searching anxiously for something to do(Always). When the lower nature of this female has full sway, she will seem to be obsessed with sensations of dissatisfaction and discontent that nothing in the outside world can explain, but which will cause those around her to feel totally disturbed.


The Gemini female is symbolic of the modern and intelligent woman...one who questions every covention and/or tradition. She is fun to know, although sometimes difficult to pin down. Her view of life is original and her mental qualities are first class, but she possesses a light touch and is never boring. Trying out her ideas in conversation, flitting from one subject to another, entertaining and amusing those around her is the Gemini female's notion of how to spend a pleasant evening. Nevertheless, she will never impose views on others, no matter how forthright they may be. Perhaps this woman's major fault is a strange elusiveness, which could be interpreted by some as the shelving of responsibility. She is not keen on engaging in the more serious tasks of life too early and is rarely ready for a long-term commitment at a young age. In short, females governed by Gemini are truly better off remaining unattached during their early twenties(looking for love in all the wrong places...), allowing themselves plenty of time to shop around. If not, they may find themselves in a long-term relationship that is marred by personal regret. However, when a commitment is made later in life, this woman enters the relationship with much enthusiasm and will bring a good deal of love to a life with someone she greatly admires. As a partner, this is an exciting female who is never boring but is often rather undomesticated...or at least not particuarly interested in the practical mechanics of running a household(not interested in being a housewife). Her idea of a home is a place where her family can feel free and relaxed, especially in expressing their individualities. As a mother, she is great fun, though not always tolerant since her patience runs out somewhat quickly. For a relationship to last, it will be necessary for any mate to provide constant change is order for the Gemini woman to remain happy...and if she cannot change her scene, then she is liable to change the cast, keeping a variety of friends on a merry-go-round of entertaining...but not of a very elaborate scale. Essentially, the Gemini female is charming and lovable...but elusive.


http://www.novareinna.com/constellation/geminilovecomp.html

OO found some more...

The Gemini woman is friendly and easy to approach, but not necessarily interested in a long-term romantic relationship (got bored with the short term ones). The passionate and receptive side to females governed by Gemini can turn abruptly distant at times, although they are not adverse to using sex appeal as a weapon if necessary to obtain what they want(I have been guilty of this).

Gemini women are quick studies with fast, glib answers. The positive side of this is that they initially make a favorable impression on the world...the negative being that they tend to stick with first impressions and are often superficial, frequently not delving deep enough to grasp the more complex picture of a person or situation(I rather say I follow my instincts cuz I'm usually right). In short, they are prone too trust that what they see with their eyes is the whole and complete truth. The art of love is, more often than not, a source of great confusion to the Gemini female(Very hard concept indeed). Because she is so headstrong and brings so many mental complications to her feelings, any love connection is likely to be fraught with obstacles, ambivalences, difficulties or distances of some type. Nevertheless, this woman does value love very much. The problem here is that she will have a rather long list of prerequisites and finding the right type of relationship is not necessarily easy(I ususally find something wrong with everyone but always get the worst guys). Since Gemini is a dual sign, its unique symbol being the Twins, it may be that this female desires to complete herself by finding the "missing twin"...in other words, her soul mate (Possibly why I always dump the "nice guy").

As a general rule, Gemini women are apt to lack stability and patience. Nonetheless, the Gemini woman is demonstratively affectionate and impulsive...her feelings becoming easily wounded if love and affection are deemed not to be returned(secretly sensitive). This female is considerate of the comfort of others and, under normal circumstances, is very generous, giving liberally to worthy causes. In emergencies, she will rise to the demands of the occasion in a most admirable way(very true).

Known to be somewhat hysterical due to her ill-balanced nervous composition, the Gemini female is seldom satisfied with her attainments...yet, her versatility and adaptability make her capable of successfully filling any occupation she might chose to occupy. Frequently, this woman will have "too many irons in the fire." (Always have tooooo much going on) In that event, some (if not all) of her projects are bound to suffer and be left in an unfinished state...her excuse for this will invariably be that she lacks the time.


Wow what you learn...

So my gay "husband", Guadalupe but they call him G, wants me to be the mother of one of his children. I agreed that if I didn't have any kids by the time I'm 28 and financially stable that I would get artificially inseminated and have his 1/2 Mexican baby. This is a way better deal then the one I had with my best friend Bubs. My deal with Bubs was that we would get married by the time I was 25 if we were both single. I was happy with the idea until I turned 24 and now that my bday is 8 months away, I don't really like the idea anymore. Plus he is too irritating to spend the rest of my life with right now.

G is a real great guy and if he wasn't gay I would jump his bones and have babies the natural way but we can't win them all can we. I'm one of his many "fag hags" (women who hang out with gay men more then straight men) but far up there on his list (I'm in the top 5). He said he would let me have his baby since I would be such a hot momma and I love kids and they would be such a hot mix (Dominican and Mexican)... lolol

Seriously I would have his child being that I think he would probably be a better father then a straight man and I rather take my chances with him then a dead beat. There aren't that many "fish in the sea" as they say and I don't want to be the oldest mom in kindergarten.

We shall see what happens between now and 28.... I forgot to mention I'm 4 years older then G... I need to start hanging out with people closer to my age

Its time for tink to realize she's become a girl!

So I was having another deep morning discussion with my boss today and he told me I need to get outta girl mode. I have been told by many that I think like a boy when it comes to dating and other things, but ever since May of this year, boss man says I have been getting soft and have turned into a full fledged girl.

Just great that’s exactly what I needed! I have emotions now! Honestly it sucks ass that ever since my 24th bday I have become more and more emotional by the day. I don't exactly know how to deal with this new discovery because normal I am cold hearted, logical, and an asshole. I can honestly admit to the fact that I almost cried during "The Little Mermaid" and my recent need for a slow dance/Romanic dinner/(good) poems/ flowers/sweet nothings whispered in my ear etc… The whole 9… Proves to me that I have crossed a line that I never thought I would. Normally all that shyt is corny to me and I could care less about all that, but somewhere in a matter of 5 months I changed.

I'm trying to make sense of this (and a few other things), but I hope this is just a phase.... Emotions are weird and confusing... This is not fun at all!

I also realized that caring for someone who doesn’t really care or can’t care for you they way you want them to sucks. I hate having emotions but I guess I just have to change and make room for them.

Moving out of your comfort zone into something new is a part of life and I am adjusting. I’m still an asshole though :-)

I want to slow dance!!!! No one slow dances anymore. I wish I were born in the 1960s or something so that I could grow up and appreciate the beauty of slow dancing. I want to be held, while listening to soft music! Jesus tap dancing Christ! ROMANCE has apparently died and I missed the funeral!

I have been listening to Etta James, Juan Luis Guerra and other artists at work. My boss and I also had a conversation about how back in the day, slow dancing was like having "fake sex" and guys would walk around with boners (lmao). Not really what I was trying to get at, but today's R&B kind of sucks major ass (with a few exceptions). Whatever happened to real singers and composers???? Whatever happened to singing form the heart???

I am disappointed in today's culture and the value they place on today's music. But I can't be too mad because I am guilty of listening to all the crap playing on the radio stations. So to counter act that I have been downloading a lot of oldies and songs that actually say something.

I still want to slow dance... but I have no one to dance with...lolololol

A friend hears the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory
fails.

-- Unknown

So I'm back in the "single crowd" and I guess the date I went on 2 days ago would constitute as date number 2 in the month of October with another dud. I hate dating and really wish that I could just have the FBI find me a man so that I wouldn’t have to ask a billion and one questions about shyt that really doesn't matter in the end.

But alas, a girl gets bored and has to entertain herself somehow.... So here’s a story about a man with no manners...
I caved in and went to dinner with a classmate of mine. Yes I can hear the whys and groans, but and I know I shouldn't mix my classes up with fun times. So I will give you a quick overview of this "man." I am the youngest person in all of my masters classes and one of a handful of Hispanics, so I stand out easily (not to mention my weird name)... any who, all of the "adults" are over 30 but there are no halfway good looking men in this program that are even close to my age. This is also a small program and not the place for mingling and dating, but let’s just say "Old Dude" (as I like to call him) has been trying to get in my pants for a bout a year and that’s one of the many reasons I ignored him. But behold, that night I was hungry and seriously bored so when he called and said "I want to take you out to dinner" I just said Ok, instead of bombarding him with 500 reasons why I can't go out.

Keep in mind we are in the majority of the same classes together but he is graduating a year before me (I took some time off) and we have had a few group projects together, so we have had several opportunities to "hang out" in the library and on 2 occasions I even passed by his house but my intentions were NEVER to fraternize and become a "thing." He is 35, has 5 kids, 2 ex-wives, is very educated (3rd masters), in the military, has a BMW, a "dad mobile", and a motorcycle and is tattooed up. If I was a gold digger my eyes would be saying CACHING$$$!!! But since I could give a rats ass about a man's assets this is all flash and so not attractive (especially the 5 kids)

So he picks me up in his DAD MOBILE and dressed in full work attire, making me feel underdressed and like I'm going out with my uncle and says "hey Little Bit" (I hate that nickname!!!!) "Let’s find some food. Its after sunset and I can eat now" (he's Muslim). Before I tell you the rest of the story, I must tell you what he was wearing in specific that made me a little nervous. He had on a full suit, Pepto-Bismol PINK shirt, PINK suspenders, Gucci loafers, gray pants and jacket and tan overcoat. I was scared of all the PINK since I HATE PINK.

He has a flashy personality but in a Cam’ Ron sort of way. Ghetto flashy, he likes minks and likes toothpicks in his mouth for no reason. He dubbed himself an "enigma" because he is "an educated man from the hood" and can "rock a suit and tie" but once you take off the suit, he is "tatted up like a mothafucka." He is all about the "black man's struggle" (nothing wrong with that) but I think he has an identity crisis because he doesn't know how to "leave the streets behind". (All things in this paragraph were quoted from the individual being described)

So moving along.... I give him a run down of all the restaurants in the area and say I have no problems eating anywhere except Applebee’s. He says how bout Applebee’s. !!!!! What the Fish sticks! I hate Applebee’s and ate it way too much in HS and undergrad so I avoid it as much as possible. I thought I was being juvenile at one point because I listed a string of establishments that the "younger generation" go to. Boy was I wrong.

Instead of being mean, I say how about cheesecake factory. Turns out he's never been there (and there's one right next to his house?!) So I thought what a great opportunity to introduce him to a step up from Applebee’s.

We drive to the "fine establishment" (lmao) and he is just plain rude! We have never hung out in "public" before and his arrogance shone like the sun on a midsummer’s day. OMG I was embarrassed. He was rude to the waiter, and when he looked at the menu, he looks and asks me where the chicken wings and French fries are??? WHAT?? If you wanted that then why not just got to "Kennedy's Fried Chicken" and call it a day. Why even take me out to dinner??

I know I seem like I'm some kind of high class bougie chick, but the man is 35 and I felt like he should have been a bit more well mannered and being that he has 3 masters degrees a bit more cultured. That was a bad assumption on my part.

I ordered an appetizer and so did he. I thought we could share one but unfortunately he is not into trying new things. I understand that because I am a picky eater but I at least taste certain things before totally knocking them. I ordered my five, avocado egg rolls. He DID NOT know what an avocado was!!!!!! I was silent... I heard the crickets..........

Now riddle me this: You grew up in the Bronx where there are Bodegas on almost every corner, and Hispanics almost everywhere and you never in your life had a Puerto Rican or Dominican friend (especially Dominicans) mention it before??? You were married to a Puerto Rican woman and you never heard of an avocado at all??? All I have is one word: WOW!

I would have cut him some slack if he wasn't throwing his X up all the damn time and talking about his days in the hood of the Boogie down Bronx.

He continued his rudeness and talked about his 5 kids and told me stories about his ex-wives and so on, while I had a Dave Chappelle moment and thought about every possible thing imaginable. A few examples: "I wonder what my boss is doing." "What ever happened to Pluto?" "I wonder if my fish are singing in the tank planning a great escape." "When will my roomy get some ass?" "What does God really look like and do I really want to find out now?" "Jesus was black" "I rather be at work" etc....

By the time the main course came I was ready to go to bed. I never wanted to go home so fast. I didn't even care that he was paying.

He complained about how his plate had toooo much chicken (beforehand I told him the portions are large). I thought to myself "is he really whining? Is he really 35?? Didn’t he say he hadn't eaten all day??" So I just say "eat what you can and save the rest."

I'm going to fast fwd to the end of the evening. He takes me home and mentions how he wanted to "see my fish tank" and I answer "well kido I got to go and do homework, catcha later!" and leave his mini van
Not the worst date in the world but pretty bad for an older man. I have never been out with some one more then 4 years older than me and this taught me that age doesn't matter. I felt like I was the adult out of the two. So not fun!

One of my students wrote the following for her communications class and I found it very interesting: (Thank you Sophy!!!)

Philematology, listening to this word you might think it is a science of some sort, but actually it is the scientific name for kissing. My speech today is to introduce my fellow classmate to the benefits of kissing. There are over 20 different kissing styles, for example, buzzing, cheek, Eskimo, French, hickey, teaser, and vacuum. Daniel Heinsius once said, “You may conquer with the sword, but you are conquered by a kiss.”

Kissing has many benefits that people do not acknowledge. It helps prevent tooth decay. Dr. Peter Gorden, Dental Advisor at the British Dental Association, explains. “After eating, your mouth is full of sugar solution and acidic saliva, which cause plaque build up. Kissing is nature's own cleaning process, it stimulates saliva flow and brings plaque levels down to normal.”

It also relieves tension. A passionate kiss is a great relaxation technique, says stress consultant, Michelle Kay McNabb. “When your mouth is in a kissing position, you are almost smiling and as our emotions and body language are so closely linked, it's almost impossible to smile and feel tense at the same time," she explains. "Also, your breathing becomes deeper and your eyes close when you kiss; that's what you do when you relax. It's a perfect way to shut out the world."

It helps you lose weight. You need to burn 3,000 calories to lose one pound, in a simple kiss can burn up to 10 calorie a minute and in a passionate one 26 calories per minute. A long kiss makes the metabolism burn up sugar faster than usual; the calories burned depend on the intensity of the kiss. The editors of Environmental Nutrition—a leading newsletter of food, nutrition, and health—have just launched their new "kissing diet," Kissing Diet recommends a group of five amusing kisses that it believes may help people lose weight, and add delight to any relationship. On average, a kiss will shed about nine calories per smack. But some kisses can shed more than 300, depending on the enthusiasm of the dieters. This light diet also requires its followers to couple their kissing routines with at least two romantic interludes in the bedroom per week, in order to make the diet effective in shedding at least nine pounds per year.

Additionally, it slows the aging process. Kissing helps to tone your cheek and jaw muscles, so they're less likely to sag. Men who kiss their spouses every morning before going to work live 5 years longer than those who do not practice this frequently. It is proven that increases fitness levels. Your heart is pumping, your pulse is racing...If the kiss is exciting you release adrenaline into the bloodstream and your heart pumps more blood around your body. It's a great cardiovascular workout.

Statistically, it has been shown that women prefer to kiss: 39% - military men, 37% - lawyers, 27% - accountants, 14% - sportsmen. On average, a woman kisses about 79 men before getting married. Each next generation begin their “kissing experience” earlier than the former one. 70 % of young people from 16 to 24 years old have had their first kiss by the time they are 15, while only 46 % of their parents had such an experience.

So remember kissing can be highly romantic, building to a succulent crescendo of emotion and passion or passed off as something that is expected and therefore no big deal. Furthermore, when love is present, kissing is an important part of expressing that love. Pay attention to it. Breathe. Relax. Slow down. Concentrate and engage the electricity in your body. Ingrid Bergman once said, "A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous."

La luna vino a la fraguacon
su polizón de nardos.
El niño la mira, mira.
El niño la está mirando.
En el aire conmovido
mueve la luna sus brazos
y enseña, lúbrica y pura,
sus senos de duro estaño.
—Huye luna, luna, luna.
Si vinieran los gitanos,
harían con tu corazón
collares y anillos blancos.
—Niño, déjame que baile.
Cuando vengan los gitanos,
te encontrarán sobre el yunque
con los ojillos cerrados.
—Huye, luna, luna, luna,
que ya siento los caballos.
—Niño, déjame, no pises
mi blancor almidonado

El jinete se acercaba
tocando el tambor del llano.
Dentro de la fragua el niño
tiene los ojos cerrados.

Por el olivar venían,
bronce y sueño, los gitanos.
Las cabezas levanta
dasy los ojos entornados.

¡Cómo canta la zumaya,
ay, cómo canta en el árbol!
Por el cielo va la luna
con un niño de la mano.

Dentro de la fragua lloran,
dando gritos, los gitanos.
El aire la vela, vela.
El aire la está velando.



I have always loved Garcia Lorca poems.....

I have always had a thing for fish... I realized it now as an "adult" because I'm so stuck on The Little Mermaid. I have seen it twice since I got it in the mail this afternoon (somewhat of a surprise) and I keep getting chills as I’m watching it. I was so pressed to be an oceanographer or a marine biologist as a kid but I got lazy and went for the easy subjects in school (that and the sciences were not "cool" in HS)

The magical world of Disney made me fall in love with this movie and I watched it so many times as a kid that I broke the tape. My mom's fav character was Ursula the villain. My fav character was Ariel, of course, because I felt I could relate to her.

I use to feel like I was trapped underwater and wanted to get out and live with the people on land. I just always felt stifled as a kid (don't know how normal that is). I use to wish I could swim or fly far away from home and never look back. This is because I didn't have a lot of friends and I had a crazy imagination, hence I was dubbed the "weird kid on the block" or the geek, dweeb, nerd, cornball, dufis etc.. by my cousin and younger sister (and others).

So I was comforted by and escaped with cartoons, writing stories, and playing Barbie’s until I was way too old to be playing with plastic dolls....

I always watched this movie and hoped that I would escape my world and go off and start a new life where I would find the boy who sweep me off my feet and just so happen to be a prince from some far away land I never heard of... I'm still dreaming... and hoping deep down inside but reality takes over more now that I am a "grown up"....

went to the movies with an old buddy today and it was nice, well almost but the movie was awesome. someday i will grow some balls and go to the movies alone instead of being uncomfortable cuz the person next to you has had a thing for you for 5 years and just doesn't get the concept of friendship. then again, i hope to higher power that i am not that person to someone else. i just wanted to go chill see a movie and have some coffee. is that so much to ask for?

anywho, on to this movie... i have the hots for gael garcia bernal, and since i hardly ever watch the zombie tube (tv) i didn't know that he was in The Science of Sleep (nore have i heard of the film). it was a crazy movie that made me think my insane dreams aren't so bad after all.

gael's character can't distinguish between his dreams and reality and a whole bunch of craziness goes on in the film (go watch it). i have been on a french film kick the past couple of days (amelie and love me if you dare) and this movie fit right in. its 1/2 french 1/2 english and a sprinkle of spanish. i had a blast with the subtitles and the insane dreams.

so this brings me to my thought of the night: when do you draw the line between dreams and reality and is there such a line? why can't our dreams be real and reality be a dream?

i lauhged at the child like nature of gael's character.... it was a good 2 hrs well spent

i have had a series of insane dreams and i'm about to go to sleep to see if i have anymore...

sometimes i hate being a girl but hey i was made this way for a reason...

tomorrow i might spend the day daydreaming.... lolol

I love the man that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection.-- Thomas Paine (1737-1809) British-American Writer

I have always been delighted at the prospect of a new day, a freshtry, one more start, with perhaps a bit of magic waiting somewherebehind the morning.-- J.B. Priestly (1894-1984) English Author

The three great essentials to achieving anything worthwhile are; first, hard work, second, stick-to-it-iveness, and third, commonsense. -- Thomas A. Edison (1847-1931) American Inventor

After a long and mentally draing weekend (had class), I'm back @ work....

Did the usual and checked out the secrets... This one got me. It was on a fortune cookie:

"if you wait too long for the perfect moment, the perfect moment will pass you by"
46, 7, 28, 33, 1, 29 (play the lotto)