A few more thoughts on LOVE....


I think I just might be a little difficult to love, but I have a little love left to give.

Trying to give it a shot again right after going through what feels like getting shot is hard as fuck.

Then actually falling makes it worse, and very confusing.

It is possible to love two people, because I love each differently and for different reasons.

But neither one can handle or entirely hold my heart... Its already fucked up enough... but once I started to give it something seemed to go wrong...

So what can I do... at this point I have run out of parts to give... They both have a good chunk

Can I have the parts back? No.
Do I want them back? Sometimes

Would I be happier with one or the other? No
Both have their good and bad parts and both are different.

Is there one I would be in a relatioship with seriously again? Yes and No... depends on the circumstances

Wish you knew what they thought? Sometimes, in instances like today yes.

Wish either one never happened? No, I learned a lot from both expereinces about myself. Wouldn't do anything differently.

Think you are ment to be with anyone? I donno, Whats ment to be will be in the end....

Just when you think you have no more to give, you find some little scrap left....

I feel weird today... have been feeling all damn day.
Its because I have been thinking about each one... not in comparison cuz I can't do that, but just thinking

Then realizing why at the current moment I am better off ALONE.

But a girl has needs, but I can't let that get the best of me (guilty of slipping in the past)...

I'm not a perfect person.... faaaaaaar from it. Why is it the when it is soooo wrong, it feel soooo right?

In embracing my new found womanhood, I want to be someone's important someone. I don't want to be someone's girl... I want to be their Woman, Companion, Friend, Lover(giggles),...you know that person...

I love glowing becaue i'm in love... I was there once and it was beautiful
I love knowing I'm perfect to someone just for an instant... I loved hearing it and it was like music


I love the fact that one day, if and when I have kids (or borrow someone elses), I will be able to say "hey kid I was in love before... twice"


God it feels good to write all this out.


Its weird today because while I think of one, the other one creeps up in the back.
I like it when its quiet in my life but not for too long or I get stir crazy. There is always a new drama, unfortunately... there is always something. I keep thinking its over but I have to make sure its really over and keep my foot down when I say things.



But in the back of my head I can't help but wonder if all this is really a bunch of bullshit and out there somewhere there is a man who is going to knock me so far off my socks in love that I won't know what hit me.

I know the day will come where I will have to fight for what I really want... I hope I don't realize it too late and that I fight in vain.

Sometimes I wish things were easy but itf it was easy would it be worth it? Sometimes I just want a quiet life....

What is love really anyway... "black is the color of my true love's hair" (thanks Nina Simone).... Deep down I know who he (love) was...