Woke up this moring realizing some more things... I'm funny and I make myself laugh!

One of my two "loves" is never going to happen and I had stated that at some point I would have to put up a fight for something I wanted, but in his case I would be fighting in vain...

Its a lose lose situation and I am mentally preparing myself to let him go.


The other one just a plain and simple asshole who has something wrong with his brain and lost the balls to deal with me cuz I'm so complicated (this is just my assumption here) and only contacts me after a month or two without good sex. I am worth more than that... Thanks

The basic problem with these two retards is they share me and a friendship in common... Only I would get myself into such a mess.

SO MY NEXT STEP IS TO SAY GOODBYE! The ride was great but I have to get my act together and say "thanks for the ride boys but no mas"

A few more thoughts on LOVE....


I think I just might be a little difficult to love, but I have a little love left to give.

Trying to give it a shot again right after going through what feels like getting shot is hard as fuck.

Then actually falling makes it worse, and very confusing.

It is possible to love two people, because I love each differently and for different reasons.

But neither one can handle or entirely hold my heart... Its already fucked up enough... but once I started to give it something seemed to go wrong...

So what can I do... at this point I have run out of parts to give... They both have a good chunk

Can I have the parts back? No.
Do I want them back? Sometimes

Would I be happier with one or the other? No
Both have their good and bad parts and both are different.

Is there one I would be in a relatioship with seriously again? Yes and No... depends on the circumstances

Wish you knew what they thought? Sometimes, in instances like today yes.

Wish either one never happened? No, I learned a lot from both expereinces about myself. Wouldn't do anything differently.

Think you are ment to be with anyone? I donno, Whats ment to be will be in the end....

Just when you think you have no more to give, you find some little scrap left....

I feel weird today... have been feeling all damn day.
Its because I have been thinking about each one... not in comparison cuz I can't do that, but just thinking

Then realizing why at the current moment I am better off ALONE.

But a girl has needs, but I can't let that get the best of me (guilty of slipping in the past)...

I'm not a perfect person.... faaaaaaar from it. Why is it the when it is soooo wrong, it feel soooo right?

In embracing my new found womanhood, I want to be someone's important someone. I don't want to be someone's girl... I want to be their Woman, Companion, Friend, Lover(giggles),...you know that person...

I love glowing becaue i'm in love... I was there once and it was beautiful
I love knowing I'm perfect to someone just for an instant... I loved hearing it and it was like music


I love the fact that one day, if and when I have kids (or borrow someone elses), I will be able to say "hey kid I was in love before... twice"


God it feels good to write all this out.


Its weird today because while I think of one, the other one creeps up in the back.
I like it when its quiet in my life but not for too long or I get stir crazy. There is always a new drama, unfortunately... there is always something. I keep thinking its over but I have to make sure its really over and keep my foot down when I say things.



But in the back of my head I can't help but wonder if all this is really a bunch of bullshit and out there somewhere there is a man who is going to knock me so far off my socks in love that I won't know what hit me.

I know the day will come where I will have to fight for what I really want... I hope I don't realize it too late and that I fight in vain.

Sometimes I wish things were easy but itf it was easy would it be worth it? Sometimes I just want a quiet life....

What is love really anyway... "black is the color of my true love's hair" (thanks Nina Simone).... Deep down I know who he (love) was...

So I survived Valentine's Day alone. Thank God its over. I spent all day yesterday making cards for people who won't get them (its snowed so I am not going outside anytime soon). I was doing fine all day and it seems that as soon as Feb 15th hit (23 min ago) I have started to have thoughts about this time last year.

I was a psycho girlfriend (now EX) and it wasn't fun. All those feelings of insecurity and confusion messed me up for the long haul. We didn't make it past the year mark cuz it all went down hill after February (I hate spelling this month... it annoys me cuz of my esl... just doesn't make sense when you say it... damn silent R).

I was thinking about the whole bull crap and I realized that I'm still hurting. It sucks... Nothing else to say about it but I'm trying to burry the hatchet. By hurting I mean the realtionship as a whole affected me, not just the part that made me go psycho.

"What you did in the past you gotta live with today" as Common put it in the song Faithful. I donno if he is dealing but I sure am.

I never wanna go back to being the person I was at that time in my life. I hated myself for because jealousy is an ugly ass look for me. I just wish men would be blunt, at least with me cuz then I would know what kinda shyt I was getting or got myself into.

I Love/Hate(ed) being in love. Thinking back to that time and that relationship burns a hole in my chest and brings tears to my eyes.

The worst feeling in the world is not being able to trust the person you gave your heart to.

So is it better to know when you are being deceived or is it better to live blindly?
Is is still deceit when the other person doesn't have a clue or what they don't know won't hurt them?
If its all going wrong, is it ok to just make things worse or shouldn't you just try to make things better?

I hate being taken advantage of... Please don't take advantage of me, even if its easy to do it. I'm nice but I'm not slow or stupid.

When its all said and done and you think its over, is it all really over?

(getting super irritated cuz my ipod earphones sound horrible)

I wish certain people would just be honest with themselves (out loud) and to the people they affect.

If its just about sex then make it clear. If its something else then make it clear. I HATE FUZZY.

I'm so frustrated and I think it all came about from reading an excert from Cicero's "On Duties."


Where is the sense of DUTY? ..... in the toilet for some... FUCK!!!! I HATE VALENTINES DAY JUST AS MUCH AS I HATE SPELLING FEBUARY!!!!! (yes is spelt it wrong)

I just want a lil Dedication... thanks Coltrane


Once again my theme song is RIcardo Arjona's "Amarte A Ti".... Amarte a ti no es lo mejor pero es perfecto.... Me hace sufrir, que buena suerte

Such is Life... What would it be without feelings... I'm glad to have felt the series of emotions I felt in 2006 from beginning to end....

When will it end...

Russian Rulet for a kiss anyone...