Eccentricity is not, as dull people would have us believe, a form of madness. It is often a kind of innocent pride, and the man of genius and the aristocrat are frequently regarded as eccentrics because genius and aristocrat are entirely unafraid of and uninfluenced by the opinions and vagaries of the crowd. - Edith Sitwell

Irene Cara - Flashdance - What a feeling

Welder by day...
Dancer by night...

Flashdance!


(this is what I do when I'm alone shhhhh)

I got caught once dancing like a maniac in my old room (the attic) at my mom's house once time by my little sister to some outrageous disco song. She got scared cuz I tried to make her dance with me. I miss the days of getting up at the butt crack of dawn just to go to dance class.

Spandau Ballet - True

80's Revival (for shits and giggles)

sittin in this cold room
thinking about nothing
listening
sometimes the quiet speaks to me
I try to understand it
but i get lost in my thoughts
about
nothing in particular to think about
trying not to listen to the wind
silence
but the reflections keep me awake...

Wow my obsessive tendencies have taken me to new heights. So the Lloyd song "You" got remixed with Andre 3000 and has the beat to the original 80s song that was in the movie 16 Candles and I was tell my musically challenged roomie about how hot the remix is. She had no clue what I was talking about, as usual, and so I told her my new mission was to download the remix and the original song and show her what I meant. Not like she was very interested but I was gonna do it anyway. So it took me 5 min to find the remix to the Lloyd song but 45 to find the damn 80s song.

So 45 min of obsessive searching later, I find the list of songs from the soundtrack to 16 Candles and get the band name and song: Spandau Ballet - True.

God I'm a nut job...

Today's Horoscope:

Your cleverness is especially sharp but you might be more inclined to take direct action, rather than just talking about your intentions. If you are in a rut, go ahead and create fireworks for a real change of pace. But once the light show is over, don't return to the same old comfort zone. Instead, try new solutions that can set the tone for an exciting year ahead.

I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing.-- Agatha Christie

I am not enjoying the moving process and had to take tonight off due to a stuffy nose and watery eyes. I feel ike crap but I will tell you the top five things that are making me feel good right now:

1. Figuring out confusing things (rss feeds lol)
2. Christmas @ my cousin Pablo's house
3. The fact that I am finally growing up for real
4. Hip Hop is Dead - Nas' Album
5. Moving (sort of part of #3 and contradiction to above)

1. It only took me a read on Wiki and a new beta version oof yahoo mail to be able to finally understand RSS feeds. Nothing major but I get happy when I learn something new.

2. My cousin Pablo is mad fun so that means Christmas Eve will be a blast! We celebrate the Eve and not the actual day in my family. I'm excited to see everyone and eat till I have to be rolled home.

3. I am leaving my comfort zone for something new and different. This means I have a lot of new project to do and I'm super happy and I can't think up better adjectives right now because the flu meds I took are kicking in. I made important moves for my new apt today, like calling ConEd and Cablevision. I am leaving my home of 7 years for the first time and this is for real. It will be weird not to live on a College campus and not being able to walk to work, but the commute is well worth the amount of growth I will gain.

4. I just got Nas' new album and I like it a lot. I have listen to it about 7 times since yesterday and I like almost every song. This is proof that Hip Hop is not totally dead, maybe just in a coma that its is starting to come out of.

5. Despite the annoying part of packing and the idea of going up 5 floors with no elevator, I am happy that I am moving. The 'ville (the College) has given me a lot of nice memories but I won't miss living here. I need this change more than a baby needs its ass wipped. It might have been a quick decision but well worth the strees and process.

Meds kicking in and falling asleep.. wow I'm groggy fast... and I don't feel bad about not doing anything tonight.

Why is it that my life looks like a john legend song sometimes lmao: Another Again

So we did it again
Knowing we should quit it, but we simply won’t admit it again
Oh it feels good, it’s so good, but I won’t do it again
It’s so dramatic again
After we go at it, we get mad then we go at it again
Oh I love it, then I hate it, she’s my favorite again
I’m wasting time
I can’t help it she’s so fine
Oh I like her style
And I love the way she talks and I smile
As much as we may try
Can’t quite see eye to eye
So in the meantime, I guess we say bye-bye

(And again and again and again)
Oh, and then, we do it again
We do it again and we do it again
Oh, and then, we do it again

We want it again, and we want it again
So we fake it again
I think we’re gonna blow it, and we know it
But she’s naked again
We get wasted, then I taste it, then I waste it again
I can’t invite her again
‘Cause she’ll go from a lover to a fighter
And I’ll fight her again
So it’s over, but I told her to come over again
I’m wasting time
But she’s always on my mind
I can’t let her go
Oh, she’s not the best, but she’s all that I know
As much as we may try
Can’t quite see eye to eye
So in the meantime I guess we say bye bye

(And again and again and again)
Oh, and then, we do it again
We do it again and we do it again
Oh, and then, we do it again
We want it again, and we want it again

So I’ve got a new friend
I wish I could forget you
But I miss you, wanna kiss you again
She’s like you, but she’s not you, gotta find you again
So we remember again
The middle of December and I took you out to dinner again
Oh I love her, it’s not over, just another again

(And again and again and again)
Oh, it’s another againI love her, it’s another again



.....except right now it feels like I'm wasting my time... but I'm enjoying and laughing at myself

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself. - James Thurber

You know that saying about how people come into your life for a reason and stay for months, season, years ect...? (I don't memorize things but you know what I'm talking about)

Well I have been thinking about that one for a while and I guess its kinda funny. Funny because I think something and I see something parallel to it somewhere else.

You ever wonder why people come in and out of your life? People just seem to make there way in some how and I'm usually the one cutting people out. So when people cut out on their own, its hard to deal with.

I know why I cut people out: It's because I don't like it when people get too close. Why that is though is still unanswered and there are some people that I want closer but then I push them away or subconsciously shut them out.

I always put people out in the cold for a while and then bring them back in again. I thought I managed to stop it for a while with my college friends but I did the same thing to them and then blaimed it on the "we are just different now" factor... or the "we grew apart" excuse.

I really do have a difficult time keeping people around. So lately I have been thinking about that and how the people must feel. Then I kinda got put on ice and it was sooo cold and it sucked. I tired to warm it up but not enough to make much of a difference.

Now I'm at a mini crossraod: do I just keep it moving? or Should I keep trying and try harder?

Good people don't come along very often...

My thought of last week was: why and what is the point of some relationships (of any kind)?? And I still can't come up with an answer for that one.

Friends:

I am about to start doing more things by myself. I really need to do this because every time I want to see something or check something cool out, no one else is interested but me and I hate the "yes I'm here alone" feeling. But fuck that shyt! I can't keep missing out on things just because I don't want to go alone.

I am interested in things that none of my friends are so I HAVE TO venture out solo. And it sucks going somewhere are the people or person is totally uninterested and wants to leave.

Normally I have no problem venturing out alone but lately I just feel like having some company but "the cheese stands alone."

Today is a perfect example: I want to go to a poetry event in Bk and my best bud (mr. corp) can't cuz of work or the gym or his girlfriend... blah blah blah... I hate the fact that we grow up and get real jobs and then forget how to have fun and see things and "forget" our friends sometimes.

I am guilty of this to so I can imagine how the Friends I have done this to feel.

I'm just in need of a companion right now and my right hand man is MIA

Today's Horoscope:

There is an earthy weightiness to the day that may make you feel that you and your relationships with others are between a rock and a hard place, TINK. Don't worry because after today, the clouds are going to lighten up tremendously. Put in your hard work now and do any last minute planning you feel is necessary before you are off and running. The starting gate is about to open.

In reference to post on 11/8/06 that was just published:

I wrote that when I had just deaded a nice guy that I had gone on a few dates with. I had to think about posting it but just decided that there was nothing wrong with what I said, other then a few grammatical errors. So, this post is about carrying on...

How has the midget been carrying on since then? Just fine. Normally, when a woman uses the word "fine" it means she really isn't "fine." I am honestly just fine. I can say that I have detached myself from my emotions long enough to see that I need to worry myself with other things. Oppertunities have passed and things change so, why am I going to stress myself?

I have to get my act together and get things done. This is a time to make choices because life waits for no one.

The word of the day is Vacillate:

vac·il·late -
–verb (used without object), -lat·ed, -lat·ing.
1. to waver in mind or opinion; be indecisive or irresolute: His tendency to vacillate makes him a poor leader.
2. to sway unsteadily; waver; totter; stagger.
3. to oscillate or fluctuate.

I can't afford to vacillate. Thinking about something deeply for some time is one thing but not making a decision is another.

Throughts to be continued...

If you have made mistakes, even serious ones, there is always another chance for you. What we call failure is not the falling down but the staying down.
Mary Pickford - US (Canadian-born) movie actress (1893 - 1979)

Enthusiasm is the best protection in any situation. Wholeheartedness is contagious. Give yourself, if you wish to get others.-- David Seabury

My attempt to get a good laugh... (look at his big toe when his sitting in the chair.. LMAO)

I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man. - Chuang Tse

Once the game is over, the King and the pawn go back in the same box.
Italian Proverb

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.-- Helen Keller (1880-1968) American Writer

I really really really love this song.... John Legend rocks my socks.... Show ME...

I realized as I lay down to sleep
We haven't spoke in weeks
So many things that I'd like to know
Come have a talk with me
I need a sign, something I can see
Why all the mystery?
I try not to fall for make believe
But what is reality?

Where do we go?
What do we know?
Life has to have a meaning
Show me the light
Show me the way
Show that you're listening
Show me that you love me
Show me that you walk with me
Hopefully, just above me
Heaven's watching over me

Guess it's funny how I say thanks to you
For all you've given me
Sometimes the price of what you gave to me
I can't stop questioning
O God of love, peace, and mercy
Why so much suffering?
I pray for the world, it gets worse to me
Wonder if you're listening

When people go
Why do they go?
Why don't you choose me?
But someday I knowI'm gonna go
I hope you're waiting for me
Show me that you love me
Show me that you walk with me
Hopefully, just above me
Heaven's watching over me

Maybe we'll talk
Some other night
Right now I'll take it easy
Won't spent my time
Waiting to die
Enjoy the life I'm living

Show me that you love me
Show me that you walk with me
Hopefully, just above me
Heaven's watching over me

A hero is a man who does what he can.-- Roman Rollard

2007 Couldn't come any faster!... I never wanted a new year to start so badly. 2006 was a year of lessons but its time for a fresh start.

I am going to start by cleaning my "House" -cleaaring out all the uneccessary baggage that I have, deal with what ever I have to deal with before the new year starts and keep it moving. No sense in dwelling on things that already happened, can't be changed or erased.

Clearing all the pathways and leaving them open for new oppertunities and advancements.
Anything left that needs to be done, said, heard, seen, etc.. pertaining to 2006 needs to happen with in the next 26 days cuz I'm not going back in 2007.

I am saying goodbye and hello... time for a change

now that the Holidays are getting closer, it time to think of all the things I really relly really wish I had (O JOY!!).

Christmas List:

1. A bigger shoe/bag closet
2. More Traveling $$$
3. More patience
4. More motivation (so many things I want to do)
5. Time (then again we make time for what we want)
6. Organizational skills (wait i'm going to school for that)
7. Gloves (I hate them but my hands are always cold)
8. A shovel (I want to dig a tunnel into the core of the Earth)
9. Take better care of my body
10. Improve communication skills
11. Follow through
12. A rocket (I dream of flying to the Moon)
13. More Dreams
14. Know what I'm suppose to do with myself
15. Personal Masseuse
16. Love
17. All the answers
18. There really was a Santa
19. Balls
20. a better, smaller digital cam

:-) Merry F-ing Christmas!