The Chop:
Hair grows right??!??! So why should I care about cutting it again? I had short hair for a while and getting another haircut should be chips, right?? Ha I'm having some hair issues and it has nothing to do with my hair but all about promises.
I cut my hair after I graduated from College (in 2004) to give myself a more grown up look (since everyone thinks I look 15) and to get ready to enter the "real world." That wasn't my first chop either; I had cut off all my hair when I was a sophomore because I wanted to go natural. But anyway, shortly after I got my "grown and sexy" cut I saw my Great Grandmother, Maria (AKA Mama), and by that time she was in the mid stages of Alzheimer’s disease and still had some in and out moments. So around Mother's Day that year the entire family was at my mom's house and Mama was chillin at her usual spot on the comfy couch and I walk over to sit next to her. I ask her the usual question "Como se siente hoy?" (How are you feeling today?) and she gives me my favorite response "Viva!" (Alive!). We have a giggle and start our usual random conversations and we start talking about her hair and how long it was and how she got her name Maria Moñaso in Las Guaranas back in the day because she had really long hair she would put in a big bun. She looked at me and tells me that I should have long hair because it suits me better and not to chop my hair like my mom.
So Since then I have only cut my hair three times, once because it was growing out funny and the other two because I needed to get a trim. Well my last trim was about a year ago and I have managed to keep it decent looking for a while. Unfortunately my hair was heavily mistreated while I was on vacation and since I have been back, I haven't had time to get it fixed or trimmed (so mad at myself). Now it looks a hot mess and I might have to give it a good chop and my hair hasn't been this long since HS (maybe even middle school).
I feel bad about breaking my promise because my little birdie Mama passed away 4 months ago and things haven't been the same since and my hair is one thing I didn’t want to change. I guess I'm just gonna have to let that got for a while and start all over again. But it really does hurt and a huge part of me is still not over her departure.
Hair grows right??!??! So why should I care about cutting it again? I had short hair for a while and getting another haircut should be chips, right?? Ha I'm having some hair issues and it has nothing to do with my hair but all about promises.
I cut my hair after I graduated from College (in 2004) to give myself a more grown up look (since everyone thinks I look 15) and to get ready to enter the "real world." That wasn't my first chop either; I had cut off all my hair when I was a sophomore because I wanted to go natural. But anyway, shortly after I got my "grown and sexy" cut I saw my Great Grandmother, Maria (AKA Mama), and by that time she was in the mid stages of Alzheimer’s disease and still had some in and out moments. So around Mother's Day that year the entire family was at my mom's house and Mama was chillin at her usual spot on the comfy couch and I walk over to sit next to her. I ask her the usual question "Como se siente hoy?" (How are you feeling today?) and she gives me my favorite response "Viva!" (Alive!). We have a giggle and start our usual random conversations and we start talking about her hair and how long it was and how she got her name Maria Moñaso in Las Guaranas back in the day because she had really long hair she would put in a big bun. She looked at me and tells me that I should have long hair because it suits me better and not to chop my hair like my mom.
So Since then I have only cut my hair three times, once because it was growing out funny and the other two because I needed to get a trim. Well my last trim was about a year ago and I have managed to keep it decent looking for a while. Unfortunately my hair was heavily mistreated while I was on vacation and since I have been back, I haven't had time to get it fixed or trimmed (so mad at myself). Now it looks a hot mess and I might have to give it a good chop and my hair hasn't been this long since HS (maybe even middle school).
I feel bad about breaking my promise because my little birdie Mama passed away 4 months ago and things haven't been the same since and my hair is one thing I didn’t want to change. I guess I'm just gonna have to let that got for a while and start all over again. But it really does hurt and a huge part of me is still not over her departure.
posted by Nifty at 2:48 PM
12 Comments:
Interesting... I made a similar promise to my grandfather before he passed.
I think when making such promises ESPECIALLY with elders, and especially near the time they are about to pass, one must pay attention to the levels of knowledge found in that promise.
I promised my grandfather that I would graduate from Morehouse. It was funny because when I was going through it HARD after he passed, wanting to quit school and all, cuzzo#1 asked me why I was staying. "I promised Grandpa"...
He laughed so hard at me. Honestly, I was confused because I thought it was a noble reason to want to finish something. Obviously I was missing something and I didn't actually get it until months later.
I'd thought too simply about the actual promise and why my grandfather would want that of me.
I believe that all (sane) parents really want two things for their children: 1. health, 2. happiness... Now different parents define these 2 things differently...
What pushed my understanding further was asking "why would he want me to graduate from morehouse?" None of the reasons had anything to do with Morehouse itself... All of them pointed towards my mental health and success and preparation etc. in the world... blah blah blah
Now had I not decided to finish at morehouse, and finish someplace else or pursue something that truly made me happy, I don't see that as breaking the promise because the POINT of the promise is more important than the promise itself...
Back to your promise with your grandmother. Often times, long hair is a symbol of health etc.... Or maybe she wanted you to feel closer to her by you2 having the same length of hair...
Whatever her reason was, I do believe it circled around your health and happiness. (continued in next comment...)
Often times a person length in hair and hair health represents their spiritual maturity / health.
Either way, clipping it no matter how much, to ensure its HEALTH is moreso the important thing here. I'm sure she would say health over length as would many parents.
But that really goes back to you taking care of yourself. What parent would want their child to have long pretty hair but miserable and unhappy and unhealthy as hell?
Not saying you are, but I think you still place your personal, mental, spiritual health very low on your priority totem pole. Hopefully this hair cutting can represent a cleansing of these habits that harm and jeopordize your health.
My cousin laughed at me because I was trying to seem noble. It was as if I was placing my grandfather's wishes over my concern for myself, which could never happen because ultimately, we can only honor others as good and as thoroughly as we honor ourselves. Said in short, if I couldn't see that finishing morehouse was right for me myself and honor that, acting like I was gonna honor my grandfather was funny at best.
I think the same here. If (because I don't know for sure) you were to conclude that your grandmother's wishes for you stem or are rooted in your health and happiness, then you might want to focus your energies there, and then the physical manifestations of this promise/wish will fall into place.
Lastly... rather than looking at what someone asks you to do, or what you are to do, it might help to also ask why this thing is being asked, or why you are doing the thing in the first place...
Just like with a plant.. the what is like the leaf of a plant... people do water it, but not too much... The focus is on the why, or the root of the tree/plant...
Leaves come & go... but roots are permanent... get to the root... most often laughter is there im told... haha
you have a point cuz thinking about it now, I remember an oooooooooolllld convo we had when she 1st cut her hair and I was in total shock. Not to down play anything you said but she put it so simple: "it was either go bald or cut my hair. Would you want a bald grandmother?!"
what does a bald grandmother represent, and why would she suggest it not being a good thing for you to have?
Shes saying she has to take care of herself. Not that being bald is bad but if she can prevent it from happening then she has to do what she has to do to take care of herself.
AMEN GRANDMA!
can't w8 to see u follow suit!
Going on Wednesday to Jas' Aunt's salon...
Haha... I wasn't talking about your hair silly...
I was talking about your diet, your worry level, your exposure to BS etc...
Ain't no amount of hair salons gonna help you if u don't get that in order...
Hair will come and go, but your health... well..
that's here to stay?
No duh silly face... I got the point I was just letting you know the thought has been planted and steps are well on their way to grow...
I just need you to give me a little push here and there (or shove or whatev)
what the hell do u think i've been doin?
me nuh care bout ur stinky attitudes...
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